Meet Shithead…The Most Interesting Woman in the World

So I think this is an online dating video, but I really don’t care, it has Shithead in it.  She may pronounce it Sha-teead, but this chicks name is Shithead and I love it.  Now, forget about her ghetto name.  Because the best part of this whole scenario is Shithead’s outrageous claims like only being able to count t 6, her brother is Bono, she’s never seen a flower, and she doesn’t believe in gravity.  Clearly, this woman is either retarded or hysterical, maybe both.  But this is the most entertaining dating video I’ve ever seen in my life.  Someone find me Shithead!  We need to be making videos like this for the site.  And if I have to date her, no big deal.  Apparently this Shithead is immune to AIDS and only likes anal.  Count me in.

PS – Highlight of the video for me?  “I’m Shithead and I do a black flip!”

Grandfather’s Video Will Leaves His Dildo Collection to His Son

Quite possibly the best video I’ve ever seen on the internet.  From start to finish, it’s easily one of the best things my eyes have ever witnessed.  But to the meat and potatoes of this video; this old man’s massive dildo collection.  Now, I’m not one to judge anyone’s vices or what makes them tick sexually, to each his own.  But there are ways to go about this, and leaving your son your “most prized possession” should be something a little less uncomfortable than a 1,000 count dildo collection.  I mean, he had these in a storage unit away from his home.  How much do you want to bet his son never even knew about his dad’s asphyxiation with cock?  And I would fucking love to see the dildo he decided to put in a safety deposit box in the bank.  What is it, encrusted with diamonds?  This baffles me.  I can’t imagine the son’s shame when this video plays for everyone in his family, with him getting (literally) fucked over by his dad with 1,000 dildos.

PS – I guess it could be worse for the son though, at least he’s not the son-in-law Ken.  I mean, that guy is Asian.

Fuckin’ Dolphin Kissing a Dog

I was browsing the internets looking for shit to blog about and I came across this dolphin and dog “sharing a kiss.”  Most of the comments thought it was an adorable moment.  But fuck that.  If there’s one thing I know, it’s dolphins.  And there’s not a shadow of doubt in my mind that this dolphin was 15 seconds away from jumping into that boat and raping everything in it.  Man, woman, both dogs…none would stand a chance.  This dolphin starts out flirting with man’s best friend in order to lull the humans into a false sense of safety.  This smart rape-beast was this close to jumping into that boat and hate-banging the shit out of everything in it.  What really makes me mad though is that people will misinterpret this act of “kissing” as something cute dolphins do because they’re so friendly.  No.  This dolphin is screaming Pepe le Pew with the inter-sepcies rape tactics it’s demonstrating here.  Really makes my blood boil to see this kind of shit.

Patriots Beat Jets in Rivalry Match

Tom Brady and the Patriots were able to pull out a win over divisional rival New York Jets on Sunday.  Thank God.  Last thing I wanted to hear were after game press conferences from Rex Ryan and Jets players acting like they won the Super Bowl if they beat us.  It’s sickening.  Instead, they lost and are 2-3 while we improve to 4-1.  I’m loving the offense, but the defense is obviously inconsistent.  They did great in the first half, and then deteriorated the rest of the game.  But we pulled out another win because of our offense, and as long as Brady is throwing the ball, I like our chances.  And if Benjarvus runs the way he did Sunday then our game will open up even more.  Nothing but options.

By the way, this was my view of the game…

Just a little 50 yard line tickets.  No big deal.

Brian Wilson LOVES The Celtics (Comedy)

Brian Wilson is one of my favorite people in the world.  He’s an amazing athlete, funny, and crazy as fuck.  I didn’t even know this guy was from Massachusetts, but now I love him even more.  He may be known for his crazy beard, but he’s literally one of the funniest guys out there.  And in this video he’s just telling everyone what us Bostonians already know.  The 86 Celtics are the best team ever.  There is no debate, there is no question.  If you disagree, I don’t really care.  I’ll send Brian Wilson and his crazy beard to come looking for you.  You’re not ready for that type of crazy.

Man Details 9-Month Affair With DOLPHIN

3 News –  We all love dolphins, from Flipper to Opo – they are a friendly face to the human race.  But Malcolm Brenner, had a friendlier relationship than most.  In 1970, the photographer embarked on a 9 month sexual relationship with Ruby, a captive female dolphin.  He has now written a book about the experience called Wet Goddess.  Mr Brenner spoke to Nightline from his Florida home. Below is the transcript of our conversation.

DF: Thanks for your time. How did this whole thing start?  MB: She began raking her teeth lightly against my arms and legs which was indescribably erotic. Some might find it frightening, I found it erotic.  DF: Now in your book, you talk about how that led on to you two having sex. A lot of people would say that’s wrong, what’s right in your mind about what you did?  MB: What was right with it is that the dolphin initiated the whole sexual thing. As I mentioned, she was in isolation – she’d be using me to satisfy her sexual needs.

The relationship lasted nine months. When Mr Brenner went to college – Ruby passed away – possibly due to a broken heart.  “I’d warn anyone who’s in a relationship with a dolphin. You have to plan an exit strategy,” says Mr Brenner.  Mr Brenner believes around 15 percent of the world’s population has had sexual contact with an animal.  “If you believe the statistics, something like one in every six men and one in seven women has had sexual contact with an animal,” he says.  “How many of those involve dolphins I do not know.”  Mr Brenner’s book, Wet Goddess, is currently rated 5 stars out of 5 on Amazon.com.

I’ve been sitting on this story for about a week now.  I think I’m finally able to wrap my head around it enough to let you know how I feel about it.  Now as you already know, I fucking hate dolphins.  Everything about them.  From their human rape sessions, to their gang-banging death squads, they really chap my ass.  So I am disgusted, I repeat DISGUSTED by this story.

Malcom Brenner is a traitor to his species.  He gets involved with a dolphin in captivity for 9 months and says it was her that was using him, initiating the sexual contact?  Sure, I might buy the fact that this thing was trying to get its freak on with a human, they’re known for that shit.  But if Malcom Brenner wants me to believe that he wasn’t loving every second of it and taking advantage just as much, then he’s got another thing coming.  You’ve got to be a special kind of fucked in the head to get down with a bottled-nosed rape beast for 9 months.  And Brenner is absolutely fucked three ways to Sunday.  It’s one thing if you have to go along with a raping in the ocean form a dolphin.  You’ve gotta do what you can to survive.  But this dude was jumping into a tank every day in order to flog his dolphin with another fucking dolphin.  Yeah, you’re the victim bro.

What’s his deal with the exit strategy thing?  It’s like this isn’t the first time he’s had to get out of sexual relationships with other animals.  “Dogs, horses, sheep, they’re easy to cut and run from.  But dolphins?  You better know what you’re getting into, because that captive beauty is going to die of heartache if you leave her feeling used.”  This can’t be real life.  It’s like he’s some military strategist or something.  This is making my stomach turn.

Not only does Mr. Dolphin Fucker betray his species by humping Flipper, but he tries justifying it with made-up statistics about beastiality.  He really believes in his head that 1 in every 6 men and 1 in every 7 women are going around fucking animals.  So the next time you’re at work, take a look around.  Someone in your immediate vicinity has done things with their pets that you only read about on weird sites like this one.  This guy is fucking certifiable.  And the worst part of it is that “Wet Goddess” has 5 out of 5 stars on Amazon.  People are buying this shit, putting money in his pocket, and patting him on the back for fucking a dolphin back in the 70’s.  I’m still at a loss for words on this one.  I just hope one day that Malcom Brenner gets his just due and gets gang-raped to death by a school of rogue dolphins.  He’s a traitor to our species and I have a feeling that a new circle of hell will be added for freaks like him.

Band Rides Around on Motorcycle in Russia

If you asked me where this video clip could possibly come from, I’d say without a doubt Russia.  Not even a question.  What else could these kids do besides trick out a motorcycle and mount drums and amps and shit to it?  Hell, you know they downed some vodka and hit the road before this jam session.  This is a pretty smart move on this bands part.  Someone could hear their music and they can blow up, or they die, and become celebrities in their own right with a massive Russian cult following.  Win win.  In Russia, rock and roll play you.

12 Year-Old Boy Stops Jewelry Thief

This kid has some fucking balls.  Normally, I don’t care to talk to a kid between the ages of 5 and 15.  They’re boring, annoying or can’t hold a conversation.  But I’d love to talk to this kid, sit down and pick his brain a little bit.  Where did he learn how to take an armed assailant down in one fell swoop?  I’ve never seen this type of heroics from a preteen.  The last thing this burglar expected was to come in there and have his plan foiled by a kid that listens to Justin Bieber.  This is straight out of Scooby Doo.  The one thing I do know is that this kid gets laid for this.  He’s young yes, and probably isn’t anatomically ready yet, but he totally got laid for this.  Life’s just a bunch of preteen sex and rogue police work for this little guy.  Gotta love it.

Sick Music For the Weekend

B.O.B. and Lil Wayne team up for “Strange Clouds” off of Bobby Ray’s newest album.  Definitely a stoner anthem (fuck yeah), with some crazy instrumentation.  The dubstep production shit isn’t stopping anytime soon, but this shit bumps.

 

Childish Gambino (Donald Glover from Community) goes off on “Bonfire.”  If you’re not familiar with Gambino, do yourself a favor and check out some of his stuff.  Not the kind of hip-hop you’re gonna hear on the radio, but he’s got some witty (although mysogynist) lyrics that definitely should make you laugh.

 

I’m a huge Stevie Wonder fan.  And “Superstition” is one of the best songs ever.  If you disagree you can go fuck yourself.  That bassline is fucking amazing.  Do it Stevie!  Do it!