Monthly Archives: May 2011

BMXer First to Accomplish Triple Backflip

So you triple backflipped on a bike, big deal bro.  Look, I’m not gonna sit here and try to take away from this guy’s accomplishment.  Well done, Jed Mildon.  But come on man, this was weak sauce.  Sure you were the first ever to do a triple backflip, awesome.  But where’s the pageantry?  Where’s the pizzaz?  The je na sais quoi?  You’re pulling off the hardest trick in BMX, I’m sure, but you’re doing it at what looks to be a step above a carnival sideshow.  There’s maybe 100 people in the audience and that is a god damn shame.  What would Evel Knievel do?  He’d sell out an arena, get this stunt televised on national TV, then strap on a cape, throw 20 buses in the middle of the gap, and land through a flaming ring of death.  Or he would break every bone in his body, but that’s what puts asses in the seats.  None of this New Zealand carnie trick shit, Jed.  Take this to Vegas and step up the pageantry for god sakes.  Be a professional for once.

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Boston Bruins Advance to the Stanley Cup Finals

 

The Boston Bruins have advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time since 1990.  I was 4 years old then, and I don’t remember that series at all.  But the amount of excitement I felt during these playoffs for this team has more than made up for that.  I feel like this team can do it all right now, except maybe score on the penalty.  This team wins even when it doesn’t make too much sense.  Oh we’re gonna dump it into the zone EVERY time and never score on a power play?  Whatever.  No biggie.  We win, that’s all.  Gone to 7 games twice now and it’s been entertaining as hell.  And Thomas was on point game 7, but the defense was unreal.  Everyone did their part and didn’t let up soft, boneheaded plays. or turnovers.  And the fact that NO penalties were called in the game is insane.  Really glad the refs swallowed the whistles and let these boys play.  Vancouver is going to be tough, but these B’s have momentum and Tim Thomas.  What more do you need?

Deer Jumps Over Motorcycle to Avoid Being Hit

Talk about showmanship!  This deer is the Johnny Knoxville of deers, I’m sure, and probably had a film crew of his own capturing this from the bushes roadside.  This must be what a select population of teenage deers must do for fun.  Just complete disregard for his own safety.  Runs across a lane of oncoming traffic, and then hurdles over another biker just for shits and giggles.  He must have witnessed countless deers over the years succumb to highway crossings, and he just spit in the face of everyone’s misconception of a deer in headlights.  This deer saw those headlights and shit on them from 5 feet in the air.

Joe Pesci is a Gangsta Rapper

He’s got 7 cars in his garage, he’s a star and he’s got someone to whack.  Yes, that is really Joe Pesci, and he is really “rapping”.  And if you didn’t know that Joe Pesci was a wiseguy, he whispers it to you menacingly in this video about 35 times.  And while some people say that this makes Pesci look like a fool, he just shot up about 70 ranks in my list of coolest people ever.  Joe Pesci is the only man in the world that could rap about this kind of shit, stone cold staring into the camera with no facial expression, and I totally believe him.  I really do believe he’s threatening juries, laying it to bitches and burying fathers because they’re rats.  It’s a lovely day in the neighborhood for a drive-by, indeed.

Stephen Hawking Laughs at Your Idea of Heaven

HuntingtonPost –  Famed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking finds no room for heaven in his vision of the cosmos.  In an interview published Monday in The Guardian newspaper, the 69-year-old says the human brain is a like a computer that will stop working when its components fail.  He says: “There is no heaven or afterlife for broken-down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.”  In “Grand Design,” a book published last year, Hawking had declared that it was “not necessary to invoke God … to get the universe going.”  Hawking is nearly totally paralyzed by motor neurone disease, diagnosed when he was 21.  Hawking says he is not afraid of death, but adds: “I’m in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first.”

Look, I don’t expect someone in Stephen Hawking’s situation to believe in God.  But I can’t stand people that almost mock people’s faith.  And just because it’s Stephen fucking Hawking doesn’t mean shit to me.  So he pretty much is the go-to guy when you wanna know about black holes or quantum physics, whatever, I get it.  But I’m not gonna go on this guys word about the afterlife, because fuck ’em.  He sounds like a bitter atheist to me with all this afraid of the dark bullshit.  How fucking morbid is that shit?  This guy must be a fucking blast to hold a conversation with.  When he’s not pummeling his theories on the cosmos into your head, he’s preaching about walking into the darkness.  If I had to sit through a computerized voice telling me my beliefs are wrong while getting schooled on physics like I was back in high school, I’d kill myself then and there just to see if he was right.  Damn, Hawking sounds like a lot of fun.

Sword-Wielding Ninja Family of 8 Arrested After Robbery

OddNews –  A family of eight complete with 16-month-old baby have been arrested on suspicion of carrying out a terrifying robbery – whiled armed with swords.  The criminal clan, led by the 49-year-old taxi driving father, are alleged to have stormed a Malaysian petrol station.  An eight-year-old child guarded the entrance with a sword while the man and four of his children armed with with razor sharp weapons raided the store.  The mother and her baby waited in the car while the heist took place.  They escaped the store with just four packets of cigarettes and chocolates during their blade-wielding robbery.  Police arrested the family after a 10 mile police chase with the driver eventually surrendering on Sunday.  It later emerged they were prime suspects for another robbery on the same petrol station on Friday.  The father is currently being held on remand with the family released on bail.  Kuala Lumpar district police chief Zainuddin Yaacob said: ”While his wife and baby waited in his taxi, the man and his four older children robbed the petrol station, with his eight year old keeping lookout while holding onto a sword.  ”The other three accompanied their father into the petrol station, armed with swords, and robbed the shop of four packs of cigarettes and chocolates.”

Almost!  Almost, you fucking sly ninja family.  You came so close to the perfect crime.  Pregnant getaway driver and baby waiting outside?  Check.  8 year-old boy with sword guarding the door?  Put it on the board!  A father and four of his older children with swords running rampant in a gas station?  Fuck yeah!   Steal anything of value?  NOPE!  Rookie mistake.  This Malaysian man orchestrated a Danny Ocean-like heist and all he steals is 4 packs of cigarettes and some chocolate for his ninja clan?  Poor form.  But who am I to judge what they found valuable enough to steal?  Maybe cigs and chocolates are delicacies over there, I don’t know.  It wouldn’t surprise me if all 8 of these ninjas were chain smokers and needed their fix.  Like they were plotting just to get those cigarettes and only stole chocolate because they were kids.  What did you expect them to steal?  By the way, I’m picturing a really pregnant Malaysian woman with a baby in her lap gunning it for 10 miles during the getaway while the rest of the ninja clan eats chocolate and smokes.  I love it.

The Only Flash Mob I’ll Ever Blog About: Bikini Flash Mob

This is what I’m talking about.  You want to do a flash mob with your friends?  Fine.  But don’t you dare sit there and lip-synch Lady Gaga in a school building like all these other losers.  You better bring your A-game.  You better be in a bikini or less, or I’m not interested.  I don’t care if this was a marketing ploy for Pacsun, it worked.  I watched the whole damn video and that’s a first for me and these flash mob things.  And of course this will never happen to me in my life.  If I ever saw one of these in real life it would probably be ugly kids dancing to Daft Punk or something on the T.  The bar has been set with these videos, world.

Rajon Rondo Dunk/Piggyback from High School

So that was Rondo in high school, getting a beautiful alley-oop dunk.  Then he piggybacked on the chump he just put up on a poster.  The announcer is right, that’s called clowning, and Rondo did it with ease.  My big question though is why he can’t do this anymore?  Granted it was high school and he was doing it over a white guy that was maybe 6’4”, but still.  Something tells me that if he had this kind of tenacity today we’d be playing in the Finals.  Instead I have to hope that Wade breaks his leg or Lebron’s mom gives Delonte a call.

Greatest Fan on Field Video Ever

This is how you fucking do it.  Honestly, this man should be voted into the All-Star game with this performance.  Easily the best overall effort from anyone on the field this MLB season, and it was from a fan.  Sure you may catch a no-no a few times a season, or someone hit for the cycle, but you will NEVER see a fan dominate a security team like this guy just did.  Just complete dominance from start to finish.  Juking security in centerfield, scaling the fence with ease and then he parkoured his way to the balcony.  I really hope this guy phantomed his way out of this situation too.  Just slipped back into the crowd unnoticed, bought another beer and went back to his seat.  Hall of fame material right here, folks.

Kitten Can’t Quit Cigs

Now that’s one fucked up pussy.  Just ripping butts like you see in the movies.  Definitely can’t fake this type of addiction.  Just munching on that sweet tobacco without a care in the world.  Then The Man comes in and tries to make this kitten feel bad about his habit.  Not without a fucking fight though, bro.  This cat was hell bent on getting some nicotine in its little feline frame and these douchebags treat him like Lindsay Lohan, pin him down and try and make him quit.  Bullshit.