Monthly Archives: March 2011

Introducing the C-String

C-String – The CString is a completely new and exciting innovation in lingerie. Say goodbye to panty line and uncomfortable straps. Say hello to a sexy new freedom.

 

God, you gotta love girls.  Like, I know for a fact that a girl never thought to herself, “ya know, this g-string is nice and all, but there’s way too much fabric for me.”  I’m guessing the only reason a woman would wear this thing is in the attempt of turning a man on.  Which I can see it doing, there’s not leaving much to the imagination, and if you see a girl wearing one of these then you KNOW she is down to fuck.  You don’t put an ear muff over your muff and in-between your ass crack, and not want to have penis in you all the time.  I just don’t see why you’d wear this though?  I mean, it’s literally the least amount of cloth that it would take to cover your lady parts, why not just go commando at this point?  Either way, I hope I come across one of these in my travels with the fairer sex, because this shit is rare.  And now I know what I’m getting some ladies for Christmas this year.

Advertisements

Montana Legislator Wants Drunk Driving to be Legalized

 

Well, I’m sold.  I wanted to write a blog making fun of this guy and how crazy he was for even suggesting this, but I can’t.  I mean, 90% of Americans would be like, “holy shit this guy can’t be serious.”  But the other 10% of the country live in Montana, the Dakotas, Idaho, Wyoming, and other states most people forget about.  And this guy makes a great fucking point.  Drunk driving is a way of life in these terrible towns in barren states across the country.  If a man wants to get his buzz on at the mountain tavern and then bomb downhill over the legal alcohol limit, that’s his business.  I know if I didn’t live in the city then I’d go fucking crazy.  Getting drunk at a bar and driving home through scenic routes dangerously sounds like the only fun you can have in Montana.  So yeah, laugh at this man in the weird tie if you want.  Say his argument lacks logic, reason or basic regard for safety.  But put yourself in his shoes, living in Montana.  You’d absolutely want to drink and drive too.

Married Man Has 240 Love Dolls…Doesn’t Have Sex with Them…Pfffft

AOL –  Some people might think a 60-year-old mechanic is too old to play with dolls, but try telling that to British mechanic Bob Gibbins.  Gibbins loves dolls, especially “love dolls,” the life-size anatomically correct kind.  In fact, he has more than 240 love dolls, mannequins and even blow-up dolls stuffed in the small house he shares in Manley, Herefordshire, with his wife, Lizzie, 55.  According to Barcroft Media, Gibbins, a father of two, started his collection 10 years ago when he purchased a mannequin.  Wanting something more realistic, Gibbins discovered “love dolls,” on the Internet and decided to purchase “Beverley,” a “love doll,” in 2007 with the help of his wife for around $4,000 U.S.  That opened the door to other silicon sweeties — nearly one a week — with some, like “Jessica,” costing as much as $11,202.  “I also have a lot of blow-up dolls, which are cheaper,” he said. “They vary between [$48 U.S.] and [$639 U.S.] for the best ones.”  What does Gibbins do with them?  Well, he loves having afternoon tea with his dolls, posing them up for photo shoots and taking them for a drive in the country. There’s also one, “Dolly,” that has been modified for dancing, thanks to rolling shoes he installed on her feet.  But while many of his dolls are built for sex, Gibbins insists that’s one thing he’s never done with the dolls.  “I’ve never been interested in them that way,” he said.  All in all, the collection is worth more than $160,000 and is the envy of folks like David Hockey, a Nova Scotia filmmaker who started collecting what he calls “adult dolls” while working on “All Dolled Up,” a documentary about the hobby.  “When we arrived at his house to meet him, I was dumbfounded,” Hockey told AOL News. “It’s a little house and all the dolls are stacked on each other — there’s no room to display them.”  Hockey says Gibbins also deserves credit for being willing to be a public face for adult doll collectors, which he believes is a misunderstood subset of society.  “He runs a forum for doll lovers in the U.K., and is he’s very open about anything to do with the hobby,” Hockey said. “Plus, his wife comes to the meetings. In fact, I think she is the only woman.”

 

Okay, so I pretty much included the whole article here for this blog, because wow…what a fucking article it is.  Allow me to put my “What the Fuck?” hat on and just speak freely, if you will.  There are so many things here that make no sense to me whatsoever, so let’s get started.  First off, let’s talk about the monstrous elephant in the room: this guy doesn’t have sex with any of these dolls.  Yeah, okay buddy, maybe your dumb wife believes that, but you’re not pulling that one on me.  There’s absolutely no chance in hell that a man that runs a sex doll forum in England doesn’t fuck said sex dolls.  Whether he’s sneaking behind his wife’s back at night to slip it in “Jessica” or “Beverley” or his tea parties are pantless, he’s still fucking these dolls.  No one owns 240 sex dolls estimated at over $160,000 and isn’t balls deep in the collection nightly.  Secondly, this guy must realize he could have bought a real live gorgeous woman to have sex with for life for that much money, right?  If someone told me I could pay a porn star $1000 to have sex with me once, or I could pay $11,000 for a sex doll for life, I’d take the one time porn star fantasy everyday of the week.  Something about the dead doll stare and lifeless motions would make me feel like I was starring in a snuff film for mannequins.  And what’s the deal with his wife?  Seriously, lady?  You’re just gonna let your husband buy 240 sex dolls, spend your entire life fortune, run a sex doll forum and hit on lifeless sluts?  And you’re gonna help him do it?  Wow, this dude must be the fucking man.  He has his wife wrapped around his finger like guys dream about.  I’m honestly at a loss for words.  When I’m in a relationship with a girl it takes me like 2 months of steady sex to ask for something like anal, but not Bob Gibbons.  He’s got so much balls that he can demand that kind of shit from his wife.  “Oh, you don’t want to have sex with me tonight, honey?  Okay, I’ll go fuck every doll I have, see you next Thursday.”  BOOM, wife’s legs open.  Classic.

Ren and Stimpy Were Totally Gay For Each Other

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Proof positive of my childhood suspicions right here!  Even when I was like 10 watching Ren and Stimpy I knew something wasn’t quite right.  Definitely seemed like an Odd Couple type scenario with these two.  No girls, no friends, just Ren and Stimpy.  But this video did shock me a little bit, I’ll be honest.  It was…graphic.  I mean Ren was humping the shit out of him for awhile there.  Then the saw goes limp, he takes his pants off, smokes a cig and Stimpy wants to cuddle.  Just unadulterated homosexuals here going through a rough patch in their relationship.  Crazy.

 

Zipper Hair

 

Nice look honey…you’re really gonna find a good man with this atrocity on your head.  (Ed. note: This is a girl right?  right?)  I don’t understand the people that get this kinda shit as a haircut.  It’s literally crazy.  They have to see that right?  Do they think they look hot like this or do they just strive to be the center of attention?  Because I can say with almost 100% confidence that no guy wants their girlfriend to look like this bitch.  If I saw her I’d ask her to zip this shit back up and never show it again.

6 Month Bedroom Prank Proves These Guys Can Party

 

Here’s the guy this prank happened to explaining what’s going on…

“I went away for India for 6 months last autumn. Whilst I was away one of my best mates was living in my flat looking after it for me. When I got back from the airport last week there was a note on my coffee table to press play on the Playstation and this video came on the TV.”

Okay, so I know this starts off a little slow, and this group of people don’t look like the kind of people I’d usually be cool with.  But after watching the whole thing, I can honestly say I want to hang out with these people.  Granted, the cutest girl was a 5 or 6 at best, the collective group makes up for it with fun times.  I mean, when you have a futuristic party with tin foil wrapping everything, a mummy party, and an all out rave, you’re okay in my book.  These guys just decided to rage in their buddies room while he was in India and I love it.  Total disregard for someone’s room and property, which I’m all about.  There’s no way this guy could be pissed at this either.  Just a bunch of people dancing drunkenly and flashing ass.  That never hurt anyone.  Rage on, nerds, rage on.

PS – How many people do you think fucked on his bed?  10?  20?  Some nerd definitely lost their virginity in this room.

I Need These Sperm Pants

Fuck yeah!  These pants are amazing.  This is how you effectively “peacock” for the ladies, fellas.  What better way to separate yourself from the crowd then by proudly showing how much sperm you’re capable of producing on the dance floor?  If I know girls, and I believe I do, then they will be all over you when they see you in this denim dream.  It’s primal.  Women want to mate with the biggest and baddest man they can find to ensure their genes get passed on.  So when they literally see your genes on your jeans, watch the fuck out.  When I put these on I guarantee you I will meet my future ex-girlfriend the same night.

I Need to Go to Church Again

 

So this is what’s going on in church nowadays huh?  Well that’s news to me.  See, I was raised classical Catholic.  You know, sit in a pew, think about how terrible of a person you are, eat some Jesus and leave.  This clip flips the image of Jesus on His head.  I learned about Him curing the blind and performing miracles.  But here He is, fondling young women on the altar and bringing her to orgasm through “BAM’S!”  Creepy to say the least.  And when did Bam Bam Bigelow start preaching?  That’s gotta be what’s going on here, right?  “Do you think it’s Jesus?”  No, that’s a girl with vibrating panties on.  Needless to say, if this kinda stuff goes on regularly, I’m gonna be going back to church faster than you can say “Bam!”

It’s Friday! Let’s Dance

Yesterday was Thursday, tomorrow is Saturday, it’s nice in Boston, and it’s Friday.  If those aren’t reason enough for you to dance than I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you.  I’ll be doing this guy’s high five dance all day long.  That shit looks good.

Pole Dancing For Jesus

Preach on sister!  Preach!  Don’t you dare let these Christian haters make you feel like you’re dirty strippers.  Empower these women to be the nasty little sluts we want them to be!  Work out with the ladies, listen to some music, wrap your twat on a pole, get some cock hard…for Jesus?  Yeah, for Jesus!  And I’m just relieved we got to the bottom of why this Christian pole dance troupe wears stripper heels.  Of course it’s for the glutes!  Duh.  I’m sure Jesus is proud a woman is capitalizing off his name and teachings to get girls to come to her basement and strip.  It’s a service that the flock desperately needs, so I salute you ma’am.

PS – That reporter, Kristin Kane, is my new obsession.