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What I Hate: Dolphins

So you may look at this title and ask yourself, “how can you hate dolphins?”  Well, I hope to put a little information in your head with this post, because my hatred for these ocean rapists runs deep.  Oh, you didn’t know that dolphins rape people?  Yeah, they do rape, and they do it enough for it to be a huge hit on youtube.

Now, some may watch this video and think to themselves, “that’s not rape, the guy was part of a show and everyone thought it was funny!”  They’d be wrong.  This video shows how freaky these dolphins are that are in captivity.  In the ocean, these things swim around like a bunch of serial-raping porpoise gangsters.  Don’t believe me?  Read it and weep…

Dolphins are known to have sex for reasons other than reproduction, sometimes also engaging in homosexual behavior. Various species sometimes engage in sexual behavior including copulation with other dolphin species. Sexual encounters may be violent, with male dolphins sometimes showing aggressive behavior towards both females and other males. Occasionally, dolphins behave sexually towards other animals, including humans.

With humans, violently.  That’s reason enough to hate these things.  But know what really fuels my hatred for these sex-beasts?  The fact that people love them so much and don’t know what they’re really like behind all the clicks and jumps.  People see a dolphin and smile about how happy they look and the tricks they can do in a pool.  People love them so much they pay to swim with these things, gambling their beastiality virginity every time.  Not me.  If I’m in the water with dolphins you best believe I’m punching them in the nose if they get close to me.  I feel like people are tricked every single time they enter the water with these things.  Our society thinks these things are cute and harmless, but in reality they are smart sexual offenders of the sea.

And that might be the scariest thing about dolphins.  They’re smart.  Like, really smart.  It seems every day another story comes out about how they’re just like humans socially, or smart enough to be trained by military’s to sniff out mines in the water.  And that’s what pisses me off the most.  People are willing to look the other way when Flipper gets frisky with Timmy at Sea World, but that dolphin is smart enough to know what the fuck it’s doing.  It knows you aren’t a dolphin, it knows it’s horny, and it knows that humping you will result in laughter 98% of the time.  And if we turn a blind eye on these rapists now, then we’re in for a rude awakening when they figure out how to rape us into submission and take over the world.

You’ve been warned, world.  Dolphins are out there, sneaking up on us, and raping our innocence.  Now you know…