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Redheads Turned Down at World’s Largest Sperm Bank

Huffington Post –   The largest sperm bank in the world is saying no thanks to potential redheaded sperm donors.  Cryos International sperm bank has started to turn down redheaded applicants because of a lack of demand, The Telegraph reports.  The Atlantic wonders if the lack of demand could be because of the teasing redheaded children sometimes have to put up with.  But, this sort of parental selection is on the rise. Earlier in the month a Times piece noted that patients in the United States can choose sperm donors “based not only on their height, hair color and ethnicity but also on their academic and athletic accomplishments, temperament, hairiness and even the length of a donor’s eyelashes.”

This is bullshit.  I, for one, am outraged!  How are you going to turn away a redheaded sperm donor?  I mean, I know, guy’s with red hair usually look like clowns.  That’s a given.  But look at what can be made when you mix in some red hair and female genes.

Gorgeous.  You take away redheaded sperm donors and you take away my favorite thing to look at it in the world.  Look, if you’re going to a sperm bank, I can see how you’d want the best of the best sperm available.  But that’s not how sex works.  You can’t meet someone at a bar and be able to tell right away how long your kids’ eyelashes or dick will be once they’ve popped out.  Why should sperm banks be any different?  I think it should be a crap shoot.  You want a kid?  You got it…here’s hoping daddy isn’t a felon.  Redheads, take stand!  If I were you I’d start a guerrilla campaign to get massive amounts of ginger sperm in this bank.  Just start chucking cups of it at the building.  Mail them some baby batter in envelopes.  Wear a wig.  Something.  The fate of my fascination with redheads could very well lie in the hands of you.