Huffington Post – Princess, the star of New Jersey’s Popcorn Park Zoo, has correctly picked the winner of five of the last six Super Bowls. She went 14 and 6 predicting regular season and playoff games this year, and has a lifetime record of 88-51. Her pick this year: The New York Giants. The Bactrian camel’s prognostication skills flow from her love of graham crackers. Zoo general manager John Bergmann places a cracker and writes the name of the competing teams on each hand. Whichever hand Princess nibbles from is her pick. On Wednesday, she made her pick with no hesitation at all, predicting bad news for Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots, even though the Las Vegas oddsmakers have New England favored by about 3 points. Her only miscue in the big game was picking the Indianapolis Colts over the New Orleans Saints two years ago, indicating that even camels know it’s generally risky to go against Peyton Manning.
I was completely ready to send one of my minions straight to Popcorn Park Zoo in New Jersey to kill the fuck out of Princess the camel. I had my finger on the button, ready to bust out the big guns. I’ve had to hear 24/7 about the rematch of the century between my beloved Pats and the god damn Giants for the past week. And then this? You can only push a man to the brink so many times before he snaps, and a fucking camel telling me my Patriots would lose to the Giants was my limit. But I set my phone down calmly, read the article again, and know exactly what’s going on here. Princess is a Manning lover. It’s blatantly obvious now. This bitch picked the Colts over the Saints in the Super Bowl? No one thought that shit was gonna happen. No one. And now she picks Eli to ruin the Super Bowl again? God damnit, not on my watch. I promised myself I wasn’t going to get angry. I promised myself I wasn’t going to let a dumb ass camel get the best of me. But for the next week, it’s US vs. THEM. There’s a line drawn in the sand, you’re either with us or against us. I don’t care if it’s a camel, if she picks against the Pats, she’s public enemy #1. So the camel hunt is back on. $1 million to the first person to send me the hump of Princess on a silver platter. It should make for a good spread at my Super Bowl party.