Monthly Archives: September 2011

Sick Music For The Weekend

J. Cole’s “Lights Please” is his ode to his battles with females that all seem the same.  His album Cole World is amazing.  He’s seriously one of the best out right now, so do yourself a favor and check him out if you haven’t already.

Lil Wayne’s “Blunt Blowin” is off his last album, The Carter IV.  Some typical witty Weezy here.  The chorus makes me wanna get reeeaaallll ig’nant up in this bitch.

I’m a big fan of Frank Ocean.  The music video for “Swim Good” is weird to say the least.  Very well written song with some deep lyrics, matched with a bizarre ass video.  Never disappoints.

 

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Bill Belichick Dressed as a Pirate

Damn, Belichick can rock the shit out of a pirate costume.  Just classic Belichick here.  If I had to guess a costume Belichick would show up in at a Halloween party, I’d say an astronaut, maybe James Bond.  But no.  He comes to the roller skating rink ready to pillage and rape like he does every Sunday on the football field.  Arrghh!

Neighbor’s Sign Is Making it Hard For Property to Sell

Daily Mail –  At first glance this rural property in prime horse country looks like a dream home.  But the two storey house in Brighton, Colorado is unlikely to sell any time soon- thanks to a huge sign warning prospective buyers about a nextdoor neighbour from hell.  Titus Terranova, who owns the adjoining property, has taken it upon himself to give prospective buyers the lay of the land.  A bright red sign painted on the side of a caravan on his land warns interested parties about Terranova’s anti-social lifestyle.  The sign reads: ‘WARNING / 3 Rottweilers / Loud Parties / Loud Music / Loud Cars / Anti-Horse / Fireworks / Call for more info.’  Unfortunately for the vendors the sign is clearly visible from the window of their master bedroom and several other vantages that are bound to catch prospective buyers’ attention.  The realtor attempting to sell the home, Renee Lalonde, is at her wit’s end.  Lalonde says previous buyers have turned down the property because of the sign.  But Terranova says he is merely exercising his right to free speech and preventing any future problems in the neighbourhood.  He said: ‘I think I’ve covered the bases. I’m kind of warning people what’s at this house. Let’s make sure were all gonna live around each other and be happy.’  ‘I feel like if I make it pretty clear what’s over here. If you don’t like that don’t buy this house. Move onto the next one.’  Bizarrely Terranova claims he may be helping the vendors’ cause. He explained: ‘This story right here may find a buyer for that house, because there are guys like me all over the place out here. I’m not the only one.’

Every once in awhile I’ll read something about a person so interesting, I have to write about them.  Titus Terranova has completely caught my attention.  This guy is taking home ownership to a new level.  How many times have you moved into a place and thought it was the perfect location?  The neighbors seemed nice and respectful, the schools in the area were great, all of that.  Then the first Friday night you’re in your new home, you’re in the middle of a raging party, getting chased by rottweilers and dodging Roman Candles flying past your head.  If only someone could have warned you!  It’s not gonna be the realtor that tells you your neighbor is an asshole, they just hope you won’t run into him when you’re at the open house.  But Titus Terranova is putting all the cards on the table.  He likes loud music, loud cars, fireworks and dogs that can kill you.  If you don’t like it, you might want to look somewhere else.  This is the greatest thing ever.  Imagine if everywhere you lived you could live with people that were just like you.  If we were up front and told people how we live, I guarantee you that we could be more peaceful.  You could live on a block with nothing but old people, gay people, quiet people, college kids, whatever.  Titus gets it.  He doesn’t want any problems.  Hell, if I had the money to do it, or had any vague interest in moving to Colorado, I’d be his neighbor.  He shoots from the hip and I fucking love it.

They’re Remaking Scarface

Huffington Post –  Deadline.com is reporting that Universal Pictures is working on a new film in the “Scarface” canon, looking to use the basic elements of the first two films — produced in 1932 and 1983, respectively — to create a new rags to riches, immigrant mobster story.  The move is sure to draw howls from the legion of fans of the Al Pacino-starring film, which featured the the Oscar winner as a Cuban immigrant who grows to own the Miami drug market. Though Hollywood has always thrived on recycling its own products — “Scarface,” after all, is a remake — the industry has ramped up the reboot cycle in the past few years.

This is preposterous!  This is an outrage!  This is fucktarded!  How can you remake Scarface?  It’s a classic.  I could bite my tongue when they said they were remaking Footloose, but not Scarface.  How can you replace Pacino?  How can you risk the sanctity of the franchise like this?  Even though the Pacino version was a remake, it is THE Scarface.  You can’t duplicate Pacino’s performance.  This is seriously a travesty.  This is what Hollywood has come to.  They’re so lazy to look for new ideas, they just remake popular movies from the 80’s and hope people go see it.  And the sad thing is, people will go see this.  Enough for them to say it’s a good idea to remake another classic from the 80’s.  I swear to God, if they remake The Goonies I’m going to lose my mind.

IKEA Debuts “Manland” – A Daycare For Men

That’s right, IKEA has started to construct daycares for men who don’t want to shop with their wives.  I really don’t know how to feel about this.  On one hand, guys can finally get out of shopping with their wives and do something much more fulfilling, like playing XBox or eating a free hot dog.  On the other hand, you’re dropped off like a child and get picked up in a half hour by your girlfriend who just spent $700 on a couch you have to put together by yourself.  This may just be the greatest deception of all time by the female gender.  For decades women have tried dragging their husbands along with them to shop on the weekends.  Usually they’d have to agree to sex, or let them watch the football game with no interruption in exchange for a day of shopping.  But now that these Manlands exist, men will be expected to come along shopping and if they complain it will be WW3.  I believe its our God-given right as men to complain about going shopping.  Now that there are arcade games, free food and televisions to keep us entertained, if we complain we end up looking like assholes.  I see what you’re doing IKEA, and I don’t like it.

What I Hate: Douchebags

This What I Hate is a long time coming.  Douchebags have grown in population throughout the world and its becoming an epidemic.  And honestly, I don’t understand how these guys are functional in normal society.  These bags of feminine hygiene wear bronzer until they look like Oompa Loompas, inject more human growth hormone than A-Rod, and watch Jersey Shore to get fashion tips and relationship advice.

Classy.

But the scariest thing about douchebags is the effectiveness of their approach to females.  No matter how many girls say these guys aren’t their type, there are an equal amount of girls that fall for this shit.  So what if 80% of their wardrobe consists of wife beaters?  So what if they smell like Axe and hair gel 24/7?  So what if they stare at themselves in the mirror when having sex with you?  A lot of girls find that shit hot.  Maybe it goes back to the whole Alpha Male natural selection thing that’s wired into female’s DNA.  They think because they see one of these d-bags, they are looking at the leader of the pack, the guy every other guy is jealous of.  They would be wrong.

(“You guys are haters.” – D-bag)


The problem here is that these douchebags really think that the are Alpha Males.  They have it built up in their heads that they are God’s gift to women, can beat up any other guy they see, and are 2 seconds away from being discovered by a modeling agent at Planet Fitness.  They think that masculinity is directly proportionate to the number of bench presses you can do in a minute.  So even though they make pouty faces when they take pictures, and even though they take longer than girls to get ready, they believe they are the shit.  I really don’t get it.  I’m a self-proclaimed asshole.  I know that, and I’m proud of it.  But these guys really don’t think they are douchebags.  They’ll sit there with their popped collar and tribal tattoo and think they are original and cool.  What they don’t see is that they are cookie-cutter clones of every other guy with a tanning membership.  That is why I hate douchebags.  I don’t care if girls like them or not.  Girls are attracted to all sorts of things I don’t understand.  But the lack of originality and self-denial is the thing that really makes me hate them.  But as long as one of these guys gets laid because of his blinged out cross or his blow out haircut, they will exist in our society.  And I weep for our future.


How Many People Will Vote For Rick Perry Because of This?

So is this how politicians are going to get votes nowadays?  High-budget Michael Bay produced commercials?  This shit had it all.  Abandoned streets, lightning, empty swings on a playground and the most epic soundtrack I’ve ever heard in a political campaign commercial.  I know that these things shouldn’t sway any voters, but the fact is they do.  Dumb Americans are swayed to vote for someone just by the way they dress or look, so why wouldn’t a commercial like this do the same?  I’m saying this works for Rick Perry, and its going to work big.  Shit, I hate most Republican politicians but I might vote for him just on production value alone.  Who else thought a Transformer was going to pop up out of nowhere and blast Obama with a rocket?

What the Fuck Did They Do to Facebook?

This shit is retarded.  As I’ve said before, I HATE Facebook.  But like it or not, Facebook is a necessary evil.  The updates and new look of this is just dumb though.  Usually when they do updates, it’s annoying for a little while but you catch on pretty quickly and get used to it.  I don’t think I’m going to get used to having like 3 newsfeeds and lists of people popping up that Facebook thinks I want to hear from.  Seriously, Facebook is going to tell me what stories I think I want to read in my newsfeed?  Why?  That’s something I can handle on my own, bro.  But what the fuck are we gonna do?  Jump ship?  Go to Google+?  I fucking wish I could.  You think I like creeping on hot girls pages?  You think I like staring at my screen for minutes at a time not actually doing a damn thing?  No, it’s terrible, but I need it. Fuck you, Zuckerberg.

20-Year-Old Girl Arrested AGAIN For Sex With 14 Year-Old

Daily Mail –  A babysitter facing charges of sexual assault on a child is now accused of having sex with a second 14-year-old boy.  Loni Bouchard, 20, of Clinton, Connecticut, was arrested yesterday accused of having an inappropriate relationship with a teenager in November last year.  Bouchard was also arrested three months ago for having sex with another 14-year-old who she babysat early in 2011 and plied with alcohol and marijuana allegedly supplied by her mother.  Southington police confirmed that they arrested Bouchard on the fresh sexual assault charges and that she is being held on $25,000 bail.  Bouchard’s lawyer said today she is in counselling and hopes people will not pre-judge her.  In July, Bouchard was arrested following a three-month investigation into her relationship with a boy she babysat regularly.  According to police records, Bouchard repeatedly stayed over at the home of the boy, and offered him alcohol and marijuana in addition to having sex with him.  When the boy’s mother discovered their relationship through Facebook messages, she notified police.  Court records reveal details of evidence seized that included a notebook with a photo of Justin Bieber on the cover that Bouchard had used as a journal detailing her relationship with the most recent 14-year-old.  In the handwritten notes Bouchard writes about the ‘amazing’ sex she had with the boy and professed her love for him.  Babysitter’s seduction: Loni Bouchard is accused of having a sexual relationship with a 14-year-old boy who she was hired to look after.  ‘I know there is a five-year age difference, but why does it have to matter?’ she wrote in the journal. ‘I don’t care about the law.  I just want to be with him and not have to hide it.  ‘How can the law tell us who to fall for, who to like and who to love and especially who to date? I thought America was a free country.

I first saw this story about Loni Bouchard a few months ago and it peaked my interest.  Good story about a hot babysitter banging some lucky 14 year old.  She was getting in trouble for it and I thought then that it was stupid.  Yeah, the kid was 14 but it’s not like this chick was 40.  But I couldn’t turn a blind eye to this shit happening again.  Really, again Loni?  You’re gonna get out on bail and fuck another 14 year old?  Look, I’m not the one to judge who someone fucks around with, but something is telling me there’s something seriously wrong with this chick.  She’s a pretty attractive girl and banging 14 year olds like they’re the new 20.  I don’t get it.  Not only that, but she’s writing about them in a journal and professing her love for them.  Something tells me she’s a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  But I gotta say, this chick is right.  Isn’t this America?  Shouldn’t we be allowed to hump what we want if it’s consensual?  Either way, this second “victim” had to love the fact this chick starts talking to him.  He knows it’s a sure thing.  But I’m telling you bro, I know crazy chicks….and Loni Bouchard is fucked three ways to Sunday.  Get out while you can and be glad you have an awesome story to tell throughout high school.
PS – Beer, weed, sex.  Greatest babysitter in the history of babysitters.

Kindergartner Brings Crack Pipe in for Show and Tell

Huffington Post –  A kindergartner at Sweet Springs Elementary School shocked his instructor earlier this month when he presented the class with his mother’s crack pipe and drugs later identified as methamphetamine, KCTV5 reports.  After school administrators contacted authorities, police arrested the boy’s mother, 32-year-old Michelle Marie Cheatham, and charged her with possession of a controlled substance and first-degree child endangerment, according to Saline County’s Marshal Democratic News.  Teachers made the show-and-tell discovery on Tuesday, Sept. 6. and police charged Cheatham six days later.  The drugs were reportedly worth around $3,700.

This story stinks of shit to me.  This kid is a Narc if I’ve ever heard of one.  I don’t care if he’s 5, he just sent his mom to jail, and he knows exactly what he did.  Think about it.  This kid has show and tell coming up.  You remember show and tell, right?  You’d bring in a toy or a baseball card or a postcard from some place your family visited on vacation, your friends would pass it around and be jealous and you’d sit back down and have a snack.  You only brought things to show and tell that were yours, or you knew would have a good response from your classmates.  This kid brings in his moms crack pipe and $3.700 worth of meth?  Umm, what?  No, this little shit knew it would get his mom in trouble and so he took her precious drugs and showed them to the whole class.  If it was an innocent mistake he would have just brought the pipe in and told them it was mommy’s inhaler.  But bringing $3,700 worth of drugs too?  Shiiiiiiiiit.  Mommy must have given him a timeout he didn’t think he deserved.

PS – How does a crackhead have $3,700 worth of drugs at any given time?