Man Arrested for Handing Out Yogurt Semen Samples

AOL –  A New Mexico man indicted on charges that he handed out yogurt samples tainted with semen at a grocery store has made his initial appearance in federal court.  Anthony Garcia was indicted Wednesday by a federal grand jury on charges of adulterating food and making false statements to federal investigators. He made his first court appearance Thursday.  The 32-year-old Garcia remains in custody pending a detention hearing Friday. He has not yet entered a plea, and it wasn’t immediately clear who his appointed attorney would be.  Garcia is accused of handing out tainted yogurt samples at a Sunflower Market in Albuquerque in January.  Officers responded after a woman called to report an employee had given her what she was told was a yogurt sample. The woman told police she believed it was actually a bodily fluid.  Police say they tested the yogurt and found semen. They say they linked it to Garcia using DNA.

Come on Garcia, you’re doing it all wrong.  Everyone knows if you plan on handing out yogurt samples full of baby batter, you’ve got to pick your recipients carefully.  You can’t just have your load in every single sample cup, giving em out to everyone, that’s crazy.  You gotta target the people you really want to gurgle down your chunky yogurt.  Your asshole customers, your cheap bastards that keep coming for more samples, your crying babies.  But by no means should you offer one of these samples to a woman who can specifically target the taste of semen in a gooey treat.  And believe me, you can spot that woman from a mile away.  If she looks like she’s had her fair share of semen yogurt, you tell her you’re out of yogurt.  That’s why you got caught.  You should have known, bro.  Now you’re locked up, have DNA evidence against you, and you’re in for plenty more semen where you’re going.

PS – How many people do you think this guy tricked before he got caught?  I’m saying at least a few dozen.  People get free samples at grocery stores no matter what it is.  I hate yogurt, but if there was a free sample, fuck it, that’s mine now.  And out of those people, how many do you think liked it?  And bought it for later?  These are the type of questions that make me laugh a little, and they’re the same questions that will send me to hell.

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About SickBuck

I am the mighty Sick Buck, and this is where you bow before me. I'm 24 and live in South Boston, Massachusetts. I'm a diehard sports fan, like to make fun of things and enjoy the touch of a woman. This is a blog that shows a Bostonian's view on the world.

Posted on July 15, 2011, in WTF? and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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